


exit music (for a film)

by oyashiro (meakashi)



Series: I see blue lights in your eyes (reflections of another land) [4]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Backstory, Catholic School, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:33:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meakashi/pseuds/oyashiro
Summary: She was going to hell. She accepted the idea of the eternal fires that awaited her, and embraced her darkest emotions.She would become the villain of this story, hop up on a cloud and watch this rotten world decay before her eyes.
Series: I see blue lights in your eyes (reflections of another land) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1737100
Kudos: 3





	exit music (for a film)

**Author's Note:**

> projecting onto fictional characters? more likely than you think

Fiction is a powerful force. What you fear the most, or what you dream of can materialize in front of your very eyes. You could conjure up a whole new world of wonder, using only your imagination. Fiction was an escape, an escape from reality, an escape from the humdrum of everyday life, to escape your troubles, to escape the person you couldn’t stand to be.

For Shirogane Tsumugi, fiction was always an escape. Her sense of self, being, ambitions, they were all murky. Since as long as she can remember, Shirogane was plain. She got average grades in school, had troubles making friends, grew extremely attached to the few people who paid her the time of day, only to watch them leave again and again. She was filled with self loathing, unhappy with who she was. In her early years, she was always that - dismissed, neglected, ignored.

When she was young, she was sent to catholic She often sat and read alone while the other kids played, getting lost in the stories. Books were her escape, her companionship. Tsumugi was hopelessly lonely, but no one aided her. She was raised, along with the other girls, to be proper mothers, traditional women meant to keep their hearts pure and listen to the teachings of the priests and nuns. Stay pure, they’d tell her. Remain chast.

Tsumugi was anything but pure. She was filthy to the very core. As a young child, her body was not her own. She’d frequently be left with her uncle when her parents went out, and he took advantage of the timid child. They touched her, if she wouldn’t listen it would get worse and worse, their hands all over, as she felt nothing, nothing but emptiness. She was to be thrown around, used for her body, good for nothing. She would never be clean. She was not to tell anyone about what happened. 

She was convinced she deserved this, she wasn’t enough and let her family down. Sometimes she thought of hurting them, shoving them under water and holding them there until the bubbles stopped, until they drowned. She imagined clawing out their eyes, graphic thoughts clouded her mind. They made her pose for photographs, she was just a kid, just a kid, just a fucking kid.

Men were just like that, she figured from a young age. When the boy in the park who said he cared for her and wouldn’t ever leave her. The stories they created together. She told him she wanted to be a writer. He enthusiastically agreed he’d love to read her stories. The one night, when he grew angry. When he made her strip, telling her it was the only way he’d forgive her, otherwise he’d leave, they’d all leave. She had no worth, nothing left to offer. He left anyway. 

She was so young, too young. It wasn’t fair. She wanted to feel anything, cared about, without strings attached or limitations.

She could be saved, they would tell her. Follow the Bible, obey the power above, and you’d be saved. 

She had few friends in her elementary school years. She met a girl named Naoko, and suddenly, a new world opened up. This girl… she was the epitome of the optimistic, determined protagonist and ever since she moved, she was everything to Tsumugi. The girls dressed up and played pretend together, they watched anime together, they’d climb trees and get in trouble together, giggling, holding hands and climbing higher as the nuns lectured them. Naoko told Tsumugi she was worth it, she wanted nothing more from her than companionship. She brought out the best in Shirogane, and her lonely days in school concluded. 

It was short lived, unfortunately. Tsumugi wanted to marry her.

That was unacceptable. She was rotten, disgusting, - girls weren’t supposed to love girls, but she wanted to take Naoko on dates, she wanted to kiss her and wake up next to her years from now. 

Naoko was a social butterfly, making other friends, and she soon spent less and less time with Tsumugi. Too shy to approach her, Tsumugi figured such. Naoko was too good for her. She got good grades, she was social, pretty, and her artwork was immaculate. Tsumugi was alone again, left to read, drawing characters in her spare time, making up worlds. 

One of her oldest characters was Kaede Akamatsu, an optimistic, stubborn, determined pianist. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t inspired by Naoko. Kaede was everything Tsumugi wished she could be - headstrong, smart, talented. She was just another voice in the void, an echo. She was going to hell. She accepted the idea of the eternal fires that awaited her, and embraced her darkest emotions.

She would become the villain of this story, hop up on a cloud and watch this rotten world decay before her eyes. 

Everyone always left. Her sense of self was unstable, a parody of a child, a vessel of uncertainty. Tsumugi was a loser. She’s always been a loser.

This mindset in place, Tsumugi grew older. Fiction was her escape. Eventually, she got into cosplaying. Cosplaying and writing were the only healthy outlets for her to express her feelings. She’d project personalities she observed onto characters, spending time in the shadows, watching. She conjured up worlds in her imagination, and in cosplay, she could become someone else, someone better.

It was easier than she thought to project the personalities of fictional characters onto herself, acting like them. She journaled in character, spoke to others in character, and soon, Tsumugi Shirogane was lost. She escaped the past that haunted her, and started a blog. Her following was huge - people would draw fanart of her, take photos with her, and commission outfits. None of them were fans of Tsumugi Shirogane, they only admired what she let them see. 

They didn’t know how much she pushed herself, but they funded her. She didn’t eat, maintain a slim figure to match the ideal body types of the characters she portrayed. She did everything she could to become them.

She’d go to family dinners and feel sick to her stomach, knowing what these people once did. She was never able to fight back, but her characters would. Kaede Akamatsu could. She put on an act everywhere she went, performing as a certain character for everyday interactions. 

That’s when Tsumugi discovered Danganronpa, a chance to leave her mundane, ordinary life behind and become a part of something big. She didn’t even hesitate. She’s been a fan of it for a long time, watching previous seasons, writing about it and cosplaying her favorite characters. The opportunity to join seemed too good to be true, but it wasn’t, it was right there and she accepted it with open arms.

Nonetheless, she was accepted. Not only was she accepted, but she survived to the very end, leaving the game a different person. The effect it had on her was difficult to put into words, but she embraced the despair, and when team danganronpa reached out to her with the opportunity to be the next mastermind, the storyteller, the one behind something beautiful, she couldn’t say no.

She designed her very own cast of characters, all based off people she’s observed and known. Each of her characters were important to her, and she loved them, almost like children, in her own twisted way. Some of her previous memories had been restored, but she accepted them. What would Junko do? Junko was strong, powerful. No one messed with Junko. No one could beat Junko, Junko was powerful and untouchable and Tsumugi knew that she could follow in her footsteps, and put on a show worthy of Junko herself. She’d be the villain of this story, untouchable, unbreakable, powerful. She looked down on the world before her, conjuring up a fiction worthy of danganronpa, of Junko Enoshima, of despair in its purest form.


End file.
